Dad: You are buying the flight ticket again!!! Don't forget that you have to get marry by end of next year arrr.
Me: ..........
Dad: Or you go for the 'wedding abroad'.
Mum: No. We should have a proper wedding ceremony and reception for the first two borns. The youngers one are up to them if they want a wedding abroad.
Me: ...........
Mum: *Looking at me* What?! You MUST get marry next year. You are not young anymore!
Their words were hitting me hard to reality. Ya hor, I have to get marry next year. Although we have been talking about the marriage issue quite often, but when there is an action going on or telling me the date, I am getting cold feet. Oh sh*t! Will I become a runaway bride??!! OMG.
I was paranoid. All kind of feelings rushed to me at the same time - confused, lost, worry, scared, panic and etc. Okay, I need a plan. I need a proper schedule. %^*&$#@#*& Damn, I realized that I can't live without a proper schedule. At times, my emotion will go haywire when my life is not going as planned or given a short notice. Am I sick?? Something like a control freak. *Taking a deep breath and staying calm* Ya, I still need a schedule.....to make myself feel better and calm. So I took out my organizer and start jotting down all the important dates in 2012 while making some assumptions. Counting my annual leave whether is it enough for my travel, marry and honeymoon. See, I only have 14days annual leave plus the 7 days marriage leave. Always not enough for me. And not to forget, my savings. Quite a big hole in my pocket if the date is so close to each other. I have to cut down my shopping budget and stop visiting to the decent restaurant. Bla bla bla bla....... Another way to calm myself is talking to someone. But no one to turn to. So I go rambling in here.
Oh yeah, I know my life sucks! But just bear with me for that one moment when I was in a paranoid state. Once the moment gone, I am back to normal but I still need the plan/schedule in my life as in telling me what should I do next. I felt comforted in that way. If there is no plan, I will lost my direction. Seriously! So life with me is boring and at times, might fed up as well. I guess that's normal. Who will not? Well, I'm still trying to loosen up and there's a slight improvement.
One thing worry me, why am I still getting cold feet when it comes to marriage. I thought I was prepared for it after all these years. Ain't I? Sigh.
6 comments:
What's there to be scare of... Is just a ceremony anyway...
not the ceremony that i am scared of. Is the life after marriage.
frankly speaking i don't think there is any transition before and after marriage... but that's my case and it might be different for you...
don't think too much as almost everyone needs to walk down this route sooner or later...
My dear friend, of coz there is no transition for you and I believe that you'll know why also. For me and as a girl, there's a transition before and after marriage.
You see, after marriage, I will be staying at different home and with a new family member whom I am not close to. Another example, I can just lay or rotted on my bed for the whole day in my own home but when u r staying with ur parents-in-law, that's a different story. Nonetheless, our different perspectives of living, our brought up background, our living style and etc. There are more responsibilities and burden for being a wife and a mum role.
The most importantly, I need more time to adapt to the changes. So that's what I am worry of....sounds stupid, huh~ =)
I had been so comfortable in my own home and being a brat daughter in my family till I didn't know how to adapt to the new environment after marriage. lOlz.
adapt you will my dear friend... nothing to worry about just 'pandai-pandai sendiri' when you are staying at your mother in law's place... you know la, women don't mix around well!!! haha... but your husband to be will need to know what to do and when to do when the time arise...
Hahaha...It's easier to say than do...and as u say women don't mix around well mah~
I know all those theories but what to do, I am still worry and scare....~
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