2013

2012 gone and here comes 2013. Everyone is marveled at how fast the time had gone. Every year at this period, I was sort of in a ‘depression’ state. Time is running too fast for me to keep up and I am getting older again. People I love are getting older too, means they are going to leave me anytime soon. I saw them getting more wrinkles and weaker as days gone by, it worries me. I understand that it is part of the life cycle to face the aging, death and new life born but honestly, I still not mentally prepared for it yet. 

Okay, not wanting to depress you with my troubles. People are asking me what my New Year's resolution is. Again, I didn’t give it a thought…yet. Hmmm, maybe to grow taller. Not as in height, but my confidence level. Self-assured. I hope to improve myself in many aspects such as social skills, communication, knowledge and appearance. Yeah, it’s from inner to outer and outer to inner. I need to overcome my own fear and get out from my comfort zone. To free myself from this crippling insecurity. I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m tired of being a victim of my own insecurity. The negative energy is draining me.  But is it going to be easy? Once I lose myself in the day-to-day pressures of life and then I sink into depression again when I face adversity. I am not sure whether I can do it or not. Just crossed my fingers and hoping that I can achieve my goal, resolution, dream or whatever that I plan to do in future. Believing that 2013 is going to be a great year ahead. 

Oh, I have been thinking of getting a tattoo or bleaching my hair to blue/purple color recently. It looks like a rebellious stage. Am I? Just getting bored with myself. Would like to try something different and new.  Thinking of getting a tattoo of words like FAITH and HOPE on my arms.  However, I need a huge courage to do so because my parents, my colleagues, my boss, my relatives and my professionalism are holding me back. They will think that I am having a mental instability and curious at what’s wrong with me. Do not underestimate the grapevine in office. Will my boss fire me or giving me lecture if I get a tattoo or bleaching my hairs? Definitely yes.  So I am still thinking.  One day maybe……when I am no longer working in office and still look ‘young’ enough to do so. 

Looking back, I did achieve some resolutions in 2012, which is getting married to my first love. We met back in 2002 and after dating for 10 years, we get hitched. He is my first and only man in my life. How amazing it is! I was surprised at my own patience for being devoted to one man for such a long time ….. and it’s going to be forever now till the death does us apart. Whoa!  Till today, I still can’t believe that I am such a loyal girl. Trust me, many people out there thought that I am flirtatious and have change a number of boyfriends. 

I recalled that there was once I overheard a guy said to his friend about me crying when I was back in school then.  “Served her right. She is a flirtatious girl.” That guy thought that I was dumped by a guy and crying there. Wtf. Hell no, I was crying because I was bullied by a group of retarded guys! And he was accusing me without knowing the truth. So till today, I still remembered his words vividly.  I want to find him to tell him in the face that I am not bitchy and maybe your wife is!  I was hurt by his words because I am not that sort of person he thinks I am. That time, I didn’t understand. Now I learned that I can’t control what they think of me and I can’t live up to their expectation or impression. That is because they didn’t know me. I might leave a poor impression. So I have proved them wrong! Never judge a book by its cover. I am actually a good girl! (Sorry to bore you with my old story ~)

What else? Oh yeah, finally I got the chance to travel to Europe which I thought I never will have a chance to step on ‘Ang Moh’ land in this life and it is like an unreachable dream but he makes my dream comes true. He makes my 2012 ends perfectly without any regret. Thanks, my dear! 

Anyway, Happy New Year !Hiss hiss....*I am hoping to have a 'horse' baby, not a 'snake' baby so getting pregnant is not in my new year's resolution!* But if there is an accidental, I just accept and be thankful! =)