Staring at tHe Sky

Often, I questioned myself. What am I doing? Why am I here? And often, I didn't get the answer.

We are a strange creature. We like to ask questions that either we knew the answer or we knew we wouldn't get the answer for the rest of our life. Do I sound depressed? No. Seriously, no! Just that I like to think a lot. I mean, real lots. I would came up with lots of questions. I would pondered with the questions raised in my mind. Things happened around me. Life matter. Social matter. News I heard. So it was concluded that I am an emotional type of person. Introvert. Very in-depth person. Whatsoever.

Often, I would stare at the sky or lost in thought by staring at one point.

I enjoyed the moment with myself. Thinking. Or doing nothing at all.

Trying to find the solution to my problems. And waiting for God's guide.

Isn't it feel good just lay on the greenery grass, embrace the nature and look onto the blue sky?

Is part of the relaxing therapy too. Just empty your mind and close your eyes for a minute.

Busy Bee

Just a blink of eye, it’s already past June. Half year gone. The second half year is going to be a busy months for me. As you read from my previous blog entry, I am getting married. I have lots of preparation need to be done. So far I have not decided on my wedding decorator, corsages, car decoration, bridal flower bouquet, actual day photographer and the menu for reception. Headache!

You know, man isn’t doing any help in the wedding preparation. Man’s nature, I believe. They just simply giving you an answer, ‘You decide, babe’, ‘Up to you, babe’, ‘As long as you love it’ and blah blah. Gosh, we didn’t want to hear that sort of answer! We want a sincere opinion and decision. So yeah, I did all the planning myself and just ‘inform’ him on the details. He agrees to all my decision. Ughhh~ *faint*

Aside from busy-ing with my work and everyday’s routines, below is the schedule of what am I busy-ing for in the second half year:

July: My youngest brother’s shotgun marriage (=.=lll , faster than his sister~)

August: Preparation for my wedding

September: Planning on my itinerary to ‘Sawadeekap’ land and yes, I am off for my vacation in Thailand.

October: Okay, it’s getting anxious as the time is drawing near to my wedding. I need a final confirmation and preparation such as self-grooming and details for the wedding. Need to send out the formal invitation card to friends and relatives.

November: My Big Day!!!! I will be a November Bride~~ Then take off for my honeymoon. *blush*

December: Oh shit, I am someone’s wife and daughter-in-law!! Behave. It’s end of the year so preparing to welcome the new year!

The guest list is the most troublesome and brain cracking thing throughout the preparation.  Why? I have no idea who’s to invite and who’s not to invite especially my colleagues in workplace. Sigh. As a Libran, never….really does not ever give two options to Libran to make a decision. Because we’ll engrossed in thought to decide on which one! Both appeared good to us. We can’t weight which one is better and end up, our scale is imbalanced. Then you’ll see a solemn expression all over our face.  So now I couldn’t decide the decorator for my wedding reception and the theme and color. *faint*

Hopefully, everything will be settled and confirmed by the time comes. I have no sisters to help me out. My good friends, well, not in town and some of them are busy with their babies and family life. Kinda sad when realizing that our friendship has not been the same and close like in high school years. Woman always put the family and love on priority. I understand but still I brooded at the fact.

I am going to take my pre-wedding photo shoot this month. Nervous and hesitant. Worry and worry. Worrying too much of the small, little details like what if I am not photogenic, is there any gown that will suit me, is my heels going to match the gown and blah blah blah.  Okay, not to bore you with my worries. Signing off.

Our Story

Okay. Our story is not that amazing or fantasy or romance like those fairy tales love story or what you have seen in korean drama. It's just a simple story on how a boy meets a girl then we date and now yes, we are getting married. To hold each other's hand for the rest of our lives. A commitment. A responsibility.

I think I was mentally prepared for it. It is a path in my life that I need to walk through. That's what I kept chanting to myself. Yes, I can do it. Everyone can do it and why not? Right? We've been dating for ten years. From friends, lover and now a family. My other half.

U know what, we are actually met at the bus stop. Yes, you heard me right. A bus stop. Erm, is it a first sight love? I have no idea. To him, he says yes. For me, well, he did attracted me on the first sight. Then it took me a few months to have this kind of butterfly in my stomach and heart beats all that. We were staying in the same housing area. Waiting at the same bus stop. He said he's actually had been noticed me earlier, waiting or walking alone at times. He didn't dare to make a move until we are been introduced through a friend of mine whose happened to be his housemate. So finally we knew each other existence. From a nod, a smile, a simple 'hi' and to a small 'talk' whenever we bumped into each other.

One day, he has the courage to ask for my .... email address. Lolz. Is funny. Normally guys would ask for a handphone number. But he is too shy to ask for the handphone number as he didn't want to show his eagerness. That's what he told me after we started dating. First, we emailed then we started sms-ing till late night. These went on for a few months till both of us came back hometown for chinese new year break. Well, again, finally, he got the courage to ask me out for lunch. You know where the story leads to. Yes, we started dating since then. We went through every emotion. We argued. We fought. We were in a cold war. We kiss. We got back together. Happy memories, sad memories. In the end, we still stuck up with each other. I guess I couldn't get away from him in this lifetime. After 10 years of courtship, it cannot be denied that we have lost the passion and the romance is dead. Don't get me wrong. We still love each other. We still care for each other. Passion is still there but just not as great as the first time when we dated. No more butterfly in the stomach. No more heart beat. No more sweat palms. That's what they said, it had become a family love. Everyone is pushing us to get marry. They said it's the time for us to enter into the next chapter of life. To lit up the passion. Having a baby and all that would not bored the relationship. A soulmate.

Alright. Is that a bluffing? Those advices are from seniors and elders. So they knew better than I do. Okay, I agree that we have been really dating too long. Marriage is the only answer to our relationship. That's where our relationship go to or else where does it end, right? Yeah, the wedding bell rings~!! Great, cheers to my first and only love/man in my life. Good thing is I am also his first and only love in his life (unless he's cheating on me~).

I am just trying to be honest with my feeling. I am not acting like I am living in a fantasy land, marrying to a prince and lived happily ever after. I hope that I can be a good wife, a good daughter-in-law, and a good mum, in future. I hope that I can do well in those new role assigned to me. They are all new in my life. I have to learn to overcome my fear and do well enough as not to disappoint some people who look upon on me. (But I am still me, right? I can still be myself. I am an individual even if I am someone's wife.) Sigh. Fears. Marriage phobia. God, just guide me.  

Time

Even if I felt so tired and sleepy,

I still won't let myself getting a rest or sleep.

If it was not the time to get to sleep....yet.

Why?

Because I like to torture myself. No.

I just thought that time was never enough for me.

I didn't have the time for myself to do my own stuff or spending the time with myself.

If I went to sleep, then there gone my time. Hours gone.

I have been forcing myself too hard.

There's a lot of things I need to do.

It seems plenty of time for me and yet, I still find it not enough.

I am always rushing with the time.

I know I shall slow down.

Or else I am going to fall sick.

But I felt satisfy when I was sick, okay, aside from the pain and taking those bitter medicine. *yuck*

It means I have been working hard enough and I can take a rest now.

I have finished my annual report and AGM. It was a relieve.

However, it didn't meet my expectation. So I was kinda disappointed. With myself, this time.

I have been working in this field for 5 years and yet, I still can't control the situation or flow during AGM.

It was still not perfect. I know, there's no perfection in this world.

But I just can't let go of my this *bad* mentality.

Allow me sulking for a few days then I'll be fine, I promise.

I was annoyed with my own 'perfectionist' thinking. Because it will hurt me.

I learned .... and I still learning to put down. To let go. To loosen my grip.

Just give me time.

Movies Day

Oh yeah. After this month, I am a free man!! Nope. There is a never-ending work awaiting ahead. But gladly to announce that we have finished our annual report and circular to shareholders. Announcement checked. Advertisement checked. Distribution checked. So it was 80% done. Now we only wait for our AGM and EGM which scheduled to be held at the end of this month. Hopefully everything goes smoothly.

After all the hardwork, stress and pressure, I guess I need some relaxation activity to comfort myself. We headed to cinema and watched two great movies in a row. The Avengers and Battleship. Yes, a boring activity! Lolz. Who doesn't like this two movies? Tell me. I am gonna kick his ass. Just kidding. So far this two movies didn't disappointed me and they were on my best movies chart for this year at the moment.

The first half of Avengers might be boring to some people because the avengers did a lot of 'talking'. Some audience, even my dear is falling asleep in the first half. Gosh, how can he?!!! Maybe he is too tired and he didn't watched Thor so he didn't know who is Loki. I was so excited to see the 'super heroes' gathered together to fight off the bad guy. I like all of them - Captain America, Thor, Ironman, The Hulk, Black Widow and Hawkeye. They played their own character quite well and didn't overshadow one another.

Battleship is cool. I always like those US navy, army and air forces especially those forces flying in the sky. At first, I didn't look good on battleship because of Rihanna. But then everyone says how awesome and great it was. I decided to give it a try. See, I am a curious cat. Their feedback had successfully aroused my curiousity. Guess what, it was really awesome! I honoured the army's spirit, dedication, leadership and their teamwork in their battle/war. Although there were some humourous part in this movie, well, just ignore that and you'll definitely enjoyed the movie.

If you think I am exaggerating here, then go and watch it yourself. You won't regret, I promise~ o(^.^)o

Food Passion

After a long and stressful day, food is one thing that can puts a smile on my face and make me feel 'satisfy'. Well, relax and de-stress for a moment. Indulge in a food that I love is a moment that I enjoy most. A nice ambience cafe is a credit as well.

Since when I start to love and appreciate the food so much?! That's a long story but it all happened after my appendix surgery. I had an appendicitis. Seriously, I nearly lost my life to that small thing in my body which I never expected it to be so 'poisonous'. After hospitalised and been in a hunger state for a week (plus eating the porridge and liquid food for a few months during the recovery process), I realized the importance of eating the food while you are still able to and to feel gratitude for the food that lay in front of you. So that made me today! *guilt face* Ermmm.....although I am a picky eater, *ahem* I still enjoyed my moment with food that I LOVE and indulged with gratitude in my heart. Honestly.

Wait, I didn't make a pig of myself or binged on food. I do still control my appetite. So ...... here you go, I would like to show some food I ate. If you do follow me on instagram, you have already seen all the photos below. *paiseh* I am making myself doing a double work. I know. =)

The Hunger Games

The hunger games, another film based on the novel written by Suzanne Collins and surprisingly, it is no.1 in the box office. Out of curiosity, I went to watch this film to see how good it is. No offence to the hunger games fans but I found the film is just so so only. It is kinda boring in the first half and I didn't understand some parts of the movie.

Another question, isn't this novel is for the young adult/teen? But then the story is cruelsome for the teens and the film is rated PG-13. Still you would see flocks of teenagers and kids went to the theatre to watch this movie. The movie is talking about the Capitol will selects 2 teenagers, a boy and a girl, to represent their own district every year to fight to the death on the live television in a dystopian future. So in order to survive, the teenagers have to kill each other. Isn't the games too brutal? However, there are two survivors in the 74th year of Hunger Games. Exceptional case. And there are going to be a sequel.......(which I believe it will going to be an exciting games~) What amazed me is the clothes and colors wore by the people in the Capitol. Very colorful and trendy.

If you are a big fan of Liam Hemsworth then you are going to feel disappoint because he only appears in 2 or 3 scenes. But don't worry, he will be a lead male in the sequels. Do you know that Liam Hemsworth is actually a baby brother to Chris Hemsworth, the Thor?? I only knew it a day ago. No wonder their face look so alike.

Okay lar. It is unfair for me to say that the movie is so so only because I didn't know the whole story and read the book beforehand. So I was confused with certain scenes. Anyway, just watch it yourself and be the judge.